Around half the ceremonies in my town are officiated by people who get ordained online. As of this writing online ordination is legal in 47 states, so thousands of people want to know how to get ordained to perform weddings. You can read more about the states that allow it here.

Why are so many people wanting to get ordained? Not every couple is on the spiritual path or practices a specific religion, so ordaining a close friend or family member to officiate is a great option.

According to AnswerThePublic.com New York, California, Texas, Colorado, Virginia and Alabama seem to be the states with the highest number of online ordinations.

Lots of celebrities get ordained to officiate weddings too. Here are a few just for fun!

1. Jimmy Kimmel
2. Hoda Kotb
3. Ted Danson
4. Tom Hanks
5. Emma Stone
6. Jonah Hill
7. Lady Gaga
8. Benedict Cumberbatch
9. Conan O’Brien
10. Martha Stewart

I’m no celebrity, but it’s how I got started. My best friend asked me to officiate his wedding, so I was originally ordained through the Universal Life Church, but then wound up going to the University of Metaphysical Sciences and getting ordained after graduating from their Master’s program.

I’ve thought about establishing a church so that I can offer online ordination from besttoolsforbusiness.com, but it’s a major pain in the butt with many legalities to consider and can be quite expensive. So…

Instead, I’ll leave ordaining others to the three main online churches.

Get ordained online and become a wedding officiant 

You can quickly get ordained at any one of these three sites, The Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries, or GetOrdained.org. I do not officially endorse any of those churches, but all have generally good reputations. Their process is so simple that you can become an online ordained minister in less than five minutes. There’s really nothing to it and no reason to stress.

Online ordinations are generally free and then the church makes its money by selling ordination credentials, like plaques and other stuff you won’t likely need. I live in Arizona and the state doesn’t require proof of ordination. However, please check with your state because laws are old and sometimes they’re not what you expect.

I’ve officiated weddings for over 12 years and can count on 1 hand the number of times people have asked to see proof that I’m an ordained minister. It’s usually the bride or groom’s religious grandma.

Modern wedding ceremony scripts

Getting ordained is only the first part of the process. Next, you need ceremony material and wedding minister training. Avoiding the most common newbie mistakes is essential.

For example, many new officiants forget to ask the guests to, “Please rise” when the bride walks in and often forget to ask the guests to sit back down, once the bride has made her way to the front and handed off her bouquet.

It’s important to feel confident and to show that confidence, so avoiding easy mistakes is a great way to set yourself up for a great ceremony. I highly encourage you to check out the complete list of newbie ordained minister mistakes and how to avoid them here.

Wedding ceremony outline

Non-religious wedding ceremonies don’t have many rules. However, knowing how to run the couple’s rehearsal is another part that newly ordained ministers often mess up. I have a clearly outlined process that I encourage you to check out here.

Here are the first four of ten things to consider:

1) Review the couple’s notes from your meeting. Make sure you’re aware of any deceased parents or divorced parents and potentially strained relationships.  Every now and then someone is rude and it’s good to know that it’s because that person is stressed out due to a strained relationship and that it has nothing to do with you, personally.  Divorced parents who still don’t get along can easily bring down the positive vibe.

2) Bring a printed copy of the ceremony to the rehearsal. On the last page or wherever there’s space, write down the couple’s parent’s names (sometimes last names are different), any children’s names, coordinator’s names, photographer’s name, DJ’s name.  Occasionally coordinators email out a timeline to the vendors and this info is often on that timeline.  It always impresses people when you walk up to introduce yourself and you know their name.

3) Introduce yourself to EVERYONE at the rehearsal and write names down. Members of the bridal party are prospective clients, parents sometimes give gratuity and fellow vendors give referrals.  Also, you’ll need to know the name of the person/persons holding the rings so you can invite them up during the ceremony.

4) Ask the coordinator how she/he likes to run the rehearsal. Normally she’ll line everyone up in the places they’ll be standing during the ceremony, practice walking out, then walking back in and lining up, then the officiant runs through the bullet points of the ceremony, then everyone will practice walking back out again.

Click HERE to download the complete guide and then check your email.

Wedding officiant training

There are quite a few wedding tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years, so if you’d really like to look like a pro, check out my extra tips here. The article will share things like…

1) Ask the couple what their bridal colors are and coordinate your tie. I can’t tell you how many times someone has made a positive comment about my tie matching the couple’s colors. It’ll make you look like a pro.

2) Bring mints. Nothing says that you’re a professional like handing out mints while everyone is in line and waiting to walk in for the processional.

3) Be sure to do a sound check with the DJ before the ceremony starts. Find a volume level that’s comfortable for you. When I hear my own voice too loudly, it’s very distracting, so finding a good volume level is essential.

And, there are at least five more pro tips to consider.

But again, getting ordained isn’t done through me and my website.

As previously mentioned, you can get ordained online and become a wedding officiant at any one of these three sites, The Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries, or GetOrdained.org.

I hope this article was helpful. Please leave a comment down below and let me know if you have any questions at all. Thanks!

To read a complementary article, who can officiate a wedding click here.

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Wedding disagreements are normal but fortunately, don’t happen to me all that often. You’ve been asked to officiate a wedding, but at the end of the day, it’s their ceremony and should be the way your couple wants it. It’s a presentation of their truth, not yours or mine.

However, I’ll offer my honest guidance away from anything that might embarrass them or someone in attendance. I’m generally careful with sarcasm because not everyone gets it, overly religious content that might make people uncomfortable, or readings that I just don’t like. If your couple selects a reading that you can’t read and sound as if you genuinely mean it, suggest they have a friend or family member come up to read it.

BUT, having too many guest readers is a fairly common issue. I find that it’s best to call for a round of applause after a guest reader finishes. It kills the dead air and allows them to feel comfortable as they return to their seat after reading. Calling for a round of applause more than twice is redundant, so I ask couples to have no more than two guest readers.

Couples sometimes provide me with ceremony material they found online. I usually cringe inside because the material is usually traditional and often sounds like Shakespeare, but I do my best to meld the material they found with my own and to honor their request. Don’t be afraid to re-word what they gave you. It’s possible to say the same thing, but worded in a way that will allow you to sound more genuine as it’s coming out of your mouth.

We just disagree

I find it helpful to remember that I am the couple’s trusted servant, who was asked to officiate because they’re confident I’ll do a good job. My ego must be kept in check. It’s their wedding and their day so I do my best to be flexible and to allow it to go down the way they envision.

Be sure to check out my next article, where I’ll give away my wedding rehearsal guide.  Click here. Until then, stay well!

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Wedding stress?

One of the most frustrating things I face is a couple who doesn’t meet the deadlines I give them. They’re getting married because they’re grownups and grownups can be asked to meet deadlines.

Your sanity and stress level matters too! You want to bring your A-game and it’s a team effort, you and your couple. Let them know how important their participation is, and they’ll likely respect the deadlines you give them.

If you’ve purchased my ceremony material please refer to the complete instructions, but here are a few to get you thinking:

1) Ask your couple to return their ceremony outline to you within two weeks.  Tell them that they’re welcome to make changes at any time.  This will allow them to check an item off their to-do list and I find that without a firm deadline, it doesn’t always get done.  You’re working as a team with your couple and it’s okay to hold them responsible for certain things.  They’ve asked you to officiate because they trust you’ll do a great job and the follow-up will show them that you care.

2) If they’re searching for ceremony material that you didn’t provide them with, ask them to get you that material no later than 30 days before their wedding.  You might not need that much time, but allowing them to procrastinate might result in last-minute stress for you.

3) Be sure to email their ceremony out for one final look before their wedding.  Sometimes people have a change of heart and switch a reading or change imagery.  I usually send it out 30 days before their ceremony.  99% of the time, couples give the thumbs up and no changes are made.

4) If they’ve opted to include imagery, like the letter box, wine box or blessing tree, make a note on your calendar and call or email 30 days before their ceremony to make sure they’ve purchased whatever supplies they might need.  If you sign up as an affiliate with Amazon.com you can get paid for suggesting items, like this unity candle.  There are lots of other affiliate programs, from invitations to honeymoon travel.

5) Email your couple two weeks prior to their ceremony to confirm their wedding date/start time/venue and colors.  Things change and I’ve been left out of the loop more than once.

6) If they write their own vows, have your couple email them to you ahead of time, two weeks is good.  This will allow you to have them in your ceremony book as backup and will also allow you to act as a guide, in case they’re substantially off-balanced.  Quite often the bride’s vows are longer than the groom’s and he usually has more jokes.

7) Call a few days before their wedding to say hello and to remind them to bring their supplies for imagery, marriage license and their rings!

8) If you accept the responsibility of mailing their signed license into the appropriate county recorder’s office, be sure to make a copy or take a photo first.  I’ve had several go missing in the mail and nobody wants to deal with that.

Don’t be afraid to give your couple deadlines.  Just phrase it in a way that makes them feel like part of your team.  Couples leave lots of online reviews and many have said that my follow-up was valuable.  Giving them ‘due-dates’ actually made their lives easier.  My goal is for every couple to have as little stress as possible the week of their wedding.  I make sure they know that.  I tell them directly when we meet.  I say, “I don’t want any of the stress the week of your wedding to have anything to do with me or this process.  Getting things done by certain dates will undoubtedly help you.”

Want to find out a few rookie mistakes to avoid?  Click here!

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The three most common unwanted distractions are babies, airplanes and road noise. If you want to know how to officiate a wedding and how to manage unexpected noises and distractions, keep reading. I’ll tell you how I manage all three.

First and foremost, rehearse!  My premium wedding ceremonies at 1st Officiant are personalized and unique to each couple, so practice plays a huge role.  I read every ceremony aloud 10-15 times beforehand and use different color pens to make marks on the pages, which helps me to keep my spot.  The “cheat sheets” in my video training package help a lot with this. If you’re serious about looking like a pro, check out the ultimate bundle.

Below is a video of me officiating an elopement at the base of Camelback Mountain, here in Phoenix.  The couple wanted their ceremony to be real, so there were interruptions and distractions because they chose to get married at a public place.  I was prepared though, so watch the video and hear how the kids yelling didn’t phase me.

Manage unexpected noise from babies and kids

Before any ceremony, I usually ask guests with kids to please have a plan, should their child become a distraction during the ceremony.

This isn’t always easy because it offends people sometimes so to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings I usually say something like, “I love kids.  I have two little ones and understand that sometimes they’re noisy at exactly the wrong time.  With that being said, if by chance your child loses it during their ceremony, please secret service him out instead of trying to quiet him down and accidentally creating an even bigger distraction.  The bride and groom only get one shot at this and we all want it to be perfect for them!”  99% of the time the parent will gladly agree.

Manage unexpected noise from airplanes or automobiles

This happens a lot.  The airport in Phoenix is in the center of the city so airplanes are constantly overhead.  I don’t bring it up before their ceremony because I don’t want to potentially stress the couple out.  I wait until it actually happens.  

If an airplane flies overhead during their ceremony, I’ll usually lower my microphone at the exact time the plane is almost overhead and ask, “Do you guys want me to wait for the plane to pass or power through the noise?” and let the bride and groom decide.  Most couples ask me to pause and wait for the plane to pass, but all appreciate I give them a choice.

Motorcycles and loud cars are often an issue too.  Some venues in town are located on main roads in nice areas, where motorcycles are popular and they are LOUD!  Fortunately, they pass by fairly quickly, so I don’t ask the couple what they prefer.  I simply pause and wait, as if it’s no big deal.

Your body language and energy is important

If the crying baby, plane or motorcycle is no big deal to you, it’ll be no big deal to your couple and the goal is to have them feeling great.

Manage unexpected noise from cell phones

The easiest way is to ask people to silence their phones.  Before the ceremony when everyone is lined up and about to walk in, I instruct the bridal party to please verify their ringers are turned off.  I’ve only had a groomsman’s cell phone go off once because I take precautions ahead of time.

The only way to prevent guest’s phones from ringing is to make an announcement at the very beginning of their ceremony, and that’s something that I leave up to the couple.  I never ask guests to keep their phones away unless the couple asks me to.  

I might then say something like, “Bride and Groom are having what’s known as an unplugged ceremony, meaning that they’d like you to please keep your phones away and sit back and fully relax.  Be present and enjoy their ceremony.  They’ve hired a really great photographer, who’s going to make photos available to everyone, so you won’t miss anything.”

I hope these tips were helpful.  If you’d like to read a few extra tips to make life easier while at your ceremony, click here.

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Many couples choose ceremony elements that include their guests, like the wine box, letter box, unity candle, guest readings, etc. and often times those guests aren’t prepared.  Most of the time it’s because the couple forgot to tell them, so I’m always sure to introduce myself to anyone who’s participating before the ceremony begins. Roughly 1/3 of the time, moms aren’t told that they’re coming up to light candles or family hasn’t been asked to write letters for the couple’s letter box.

Two weeks in a row I’ve had couples use the letter box or wine box as their imagery, where I invite family members up to deposit letters they’ve written to the couple and exchange hugs. Family members usually get immediately stressed and freak out because they weren’t told and never wrote a letter to the couple.  

My job is to officiate, so I tell them that it’s no big deal and that it happens all the time.  The last thing the bride and groom needs are stressed out family members.  If they don’t have paper handy, I’ll find them a few pieces and tell them to bring up blank paper to deposit during the ceremony and to write letters of blessings, encouragement, and support later on, after the wedding.  This usually calms nerves immediately and gives them permission to relax.

Guest readers are often not prepared, too.  The male ego is an interesting thing.  I’ve asked so many guys if they practiced their reading out loud only to be brushed off and told, “I got it, man.”  They inevitably trip on their words and lose their place and bomb.  So, I’ve learned to tell them that we want the couple’s ceremony to kick ass and that takes a team effort.  

It’s a bit passive aggressive, but I then say something like, “Since everyone here wants their ceremony to be their best memory yet, I’m sure taking a few minutes alone to practice your guest reading out loud makes sense.  Right?”  I then show the guest reader how I underline words in my book where I’ll inflect my voice in some way and that it helps me to keep my place, so I can look up from the page.  That usually works and the reader then finds a quiet place to practice.

Before every ceremony, I’m sure to ask the bride who will escort her down the aisle and if she’d like me to ask, “Who has the honor of escorting Bride down the aisle and presenting her to the groom?”  The old-school way to say that is, “Who gives this woman away?” but times have changed and the bride’s not a possession or gift.  If she’d like me to ask, I’m sure to then speak to her dad, or whoever is escorting her down the aisle so that person knows I’m going to stick a microphone in their face, expecting an answer.  

I don’t want to surprise him and make him look foolish in front of all the guests, but when dad messes up, it’s usually funny and a great ice-breaker.  The bride’s dad is usually grateful for my introduction and attempt to prepare him prior to the ceremony.  Dad usually asks, “What do most people say?” and I tell him to please feel free to say whatever he likes, but most dads say something like, “I’m her dad and it’s my honor.”

As officiants, it’s our job to be prepared and to help others do the same.  Calming nerves and preparing others is part of the deal, and I love it and hope you do too!

Want other wedding vendors to be really nice to you?  You can read that article here.

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Yes, in 47 of our 50 states. Online ordinations are widely recognized, with Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Tennessee being notable holdouts. Check your local laws here. Some states require your ordination credential to be filed, so be sure to check with your county. What about other countries? At the time of this writing, online ordinations have been recognized in Australia, Canada, Germany, Ireland, New Zealand and the UK.

Many couples are now having their ceremonies officiated by a close friend or family member, assuming their ceremony will be nonreligious. Maybe you’ve seen the ads in the back of Rolling Stone magazine offering online or mail-in ordinations, and there are plenty of celebrity wedding officiants out there too.

Many times the ceremony is officiated by someone who barely knows the couple, like a clergyman or justice of the peace and so the words spoken are often generic. Officiating a wedding is no small thing and that’s what persuaded me to write contemporary ceremony material. It should be memorable.

Hopefully you’re comfortable speaking in front of a crowd and will be able to rise to the importance of the occasion. My advice is to be careful with sarcasm during the ceremony and anything that might offend. I’m speaking from experience after a few jokes that sunk like stones on the audience.

How should you dress to officiate a ceremony?

You may be wondering how you should dress to officiate a wedding. Men should normally be wearing a suit. I always ask the couple what their flower, dress and tie colors are, so I can coordinate with my tie/suit combo.

A female officiant could wear something a fairly conservative guest might be wearing. Avoid attention-grabbing colors, or anything that shows too much skin. You want the guests focused on the couple. A dark dress, accented with tasteful jewelry is a great choice. If the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos, match their vibe and dress for a formal event.

If it’s a morning or early afternoon ceremony and the groomsmen aren’t wearing jackets or ties, dress down too. If your appearance is markedly different from the couple and their bridal party, you’ll distract from the couple and potentially hurt your confidence and stage presence.

Officiating a wedding ceremony as a personal friend of the couple’s can be a wonderfully memorable experience. Your attire can coordinate with theirs and help make their big dау еvеn mоrе ѕресiаl.

Get ordained online and become a wedding officiant at any one of these three sites, The Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries, or GetOrdained.org.

Be sure to read How To Get Ordained To Perform Weddings.

You might not have to buy your ordination credential after becoming ordained. Call your county clerk’s office to see if your municipality requires you to file anything. Many counties do not, so you can save a few bucks by not buying the card that says you’re an ordained minister.

Some of these online churches offer ceremony material, but the material is standard and generic. If you want current ceremony material and to know how I officiate weddings, check out my process and click here!

Can anyone officiate a wedding?

Yep, anyone 18 or older can officiate a wedding in 47 United States and several other countries. Getting ordained has never been easier. I hope you check out my ceremony material and video training before officiating your first wedding and allow me to guide you.

The post Who can officiate a wedding? appeared first on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Nonverbal communication is perhaps the most important kind of communication.

Studies have consistently shown that audience ratings of a lecture are more strongly influenced by delivery style than by content. I’d love to tell you that my ceremony material is all you need to do a great job, but that wouldn’t be correct. I made the video training to help with this.

“When our verbal and nonverbal signals are in congruence, the nonverbal amplifies the verbal. When they conflict, we tend to trust the nonverbal.” Olivia Fox Cabane from her book, The Charisma Myth.

Wedding guests will judge your appearance, posture, voice fluctuation, how often you look up from the page you’re reading from, and in other ways. Fluctuating your voice by pitch (high or low), volume (loud or soft), tone (resonant or hollow), tempo (fast or slow), or rhythm (fluid or staccato) are all ways to improve your stage presence and overall success of your ceremony.

My “cheat sheets” have words underlined so you not only know where to inflect your voice in some way, but will also be able to keep your place as you look up and then back down at the page you’re reading from.

It’s important to look up and speak to the guests and the couple. Staring at your ceremony book and reading will come off as insincere and will seem like you don’t know what you’re doing. The goal is to speak to people in a conversational way, not read to them.

It’s important to remember that you’re also making an impression on the bride and groom’s families. So, smile at them and make sure they know that you’re happy for them.

The other wedding vendors will be watching you too. The DJ will notice if you aren’t holding the handheld microphone close enough to your face so everyone can hear you.

The photographer will notice if you don’t get out of the photo when the couple kisses, after you pronounce them husband and wife or a married couple. Don’t be creepy and photo bomb their kiss!

The venue coordinator will be watching to see if you are easy to work with and if you know what you’re doing when signing their marriage license. If you’re unsure when you see the license, READ IT BEFORE WRITING ON IT!

There are plenty of newbie ordained minister mistakes, that I detailed in a different article here. If this will be the first time you officiate a wedding, be sure to read that article. It will help you look more like a pro.

Also be sure to read my article, How to manage unexpected noise and distractions, here.

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Roughly half the weddings here in Scottsdale are officiated by friends or family and their rookie mistakes can be annoying for full-time wedding professionals. Full-time wedding pros include, wedding videographers, wedding coordinators, wedding venue staff, marriage photographers, wedding DJs, makeup artists, and more.

Here are a few easy things you can do so that your experience officiating a wedding is great!

1) Write all other wedding pro’s names in your ceremony book before arriving. That way you can say, “Hi Jane! I’m Joe, their officiant.” People love hearing their own names and it makes a great first impression. Venue coordinators often email out a timeline prior to the ceremony, and other vendors contact info can be found on this timeline.

2) Ask each wedding pro the couple has hired, if they have any special requests of you or if you can make their job easier in any way.

3) Ask any wedding coordinators or planners at the venue, if you can lend a hand. Go out of your way to help them!

4) I often smile and tell photographers that I won’t be creepy and will step out of the scene as the couple kisses. It usually gets a smile and I’ve often made a new friend because ministers are generally expected to be conservative people, who might not say something like that.

5) Ask their DJ if he/she wants to make the announcement, instructing their guests to cocktail hour or if he thinks you should say it during the recessional. It will show their DJ that you respect what he does and he’ll then likely be easier to work with in turn.

How to officiate a wedding: Help others and they’ll likely help you.

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking. In my next article, I’ll discuss how guests will judge you and give you a few tips to help. You can read that here. Stay well!

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My parents got divorced in 1981, when I was only six years old and they still don’t really get along. They often make the room uncomfortable because everyone can pick up on one’s distaste for the other and that’s not cool at all.

Unfortunately, the same thing sometimes happens at rehearsals and weddings.  If you want to know how to officiate a wedding and how to officiate a wedding rehearsal when dealing with uncomfortable family dynamics, here are a few strategies I use:

1) Make sure to find out ahead of time if your couple’s parents are married to each other or divorced. If divorced or remarried, be sure to find out their parents’ current last names. Forget using first names. It’s too easy to make mistakes. Just use, “Mr. and Mrs.” or “Ms.”

2) Smile and get genuinely excited for your couple. Your energy is contagious and will affect the mood of the room.

3) Have a plan so that people aren’t left standing next to each other with nothing to do or talk about. Having a strategy of things to accomplish will keep things moving along and get people away from each other faster.

4) Go out of your way to warmly interact with step-parents. It’s probably twice as uncomfortable for them.

5) If there are children around, focus people’s attention on how carefree the kids are and how much fun they’re having.

There are certainly other ways to manage stressful family dynamics, but these are the basics that work for me.

You can’t control outcomes and aren’t responsible for other people’s actions, but you were hired to officiate and the scope of that responsibility sometimes lands outside the actual ceremony itself, too. Remember that weddings are stressful and sometimes that stress manifests in behavior that’s outside what someone might say or do ordinarily.

You’ll do the bride and groom a great service by employing the strategies above. Have a plan and schedule to move things along and that way people aren’t standing around, with time to chat too much with each other. This will show the couple and everyone there that you’re a pro and that’ll help everyone feel so much more comfortable when you’re around.

Hopefully those in attendance realize that it’s not about them and that they’re there for the bride and groom. Hopefully they can act like adults and no major issues will arise and the strategies above will help with that.

Want to know some of the tricks I use, so you’re easy to work with too? Click here!

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Wedding mistakes to avoid

When you’re new at anything it’s normal to make mistakes, but when you’re on the microphone in front of a crowd, avoiding the common pitfalls will help you stay comfortable and do a good job for your couple.

*Avoid this newbie mistake and check traffic conditions before leaving your home for the wedding. Running late is stress no one needs.

*Avoid this newbie mistake and start every ceremony by asking the guests to, “Please rise” when you see the bride about to walk in. 

The bride is not a possession or gift, so I usually take a few steps forward with the groom to meet the bride and her dad, to then ask, “Who has the honor of escorting Bride down the aisle and presenting her to the Groom?”

Make sure the groom knows to acknowledge her dad with a handshake or hug, however they’re most comfortable.  In the moment, brides often forget to kiss dad so make sure she does, before he sits and the bride hands her bouquet off to the maid of honor.

*Avoid this newbie mistake and be sure to then instruct the guests to sit back down by saying, “Please be seated.”  Wait until the maid of honor has finished straightening out the bride’s dress before beginning their “welcoming guests.”

*Avoid the “We can’t hear!” mistake and hold the microphone near your mouth! I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s common for people to gradually lower the microphone as they’re speaking, but guess what? No one will be able to hear you if you do that, so keep the microphone close to your mouth.

*Avoid another newbie mistake and be sure to ask their guests to “Please rise” before pronouncing them as husband and wife, or husbands, or wives.

Allow the bridal party, then the bride’s parents, then the groom’s parents to exit before you.  If grandparents or others in the front row stand up and walk out in front of you, it’s not a big deal. They’re all important people.

As I’m walking out I usually say to the crowd, “We’re going to sign their marriage license and then Bride and Groom will be snapping photos, but invite everyone to start the party during cocktail hour and they can’t wait to join you soon.  Have a great night!”

*Avoid writing the wrong information on the couple’s marriage license! PAY ATTENTION and read the license thoroughly before your pen touches the paper because the document is most likely something special to your couple and a pain in the butt to replace. I’ve accidentally written the wrong date, wrong city, or wrong info in the wrong spot on the license, and I’ve seen disappointed looks on the couple’s faces. End on a high note, not a buzz kill.

What happens when you and your couple disagree on parts of their ceremony?  Want to know how I handle that?  Click here.

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Symbolism and metaphor are effective ways to dramatize any ceremony. Imagery helps to make a great wedding by starting a new tradition, creating a keepsake, or getting guests involved. Using imagery also makes for excellent photos. Blending sand is a way for couples to symbolize two lives coming together as one.

I’ve seen all kinds of unity sand sets, some with huge glass vases and loud colors, and others much more modest. One of my couples met on a golf course in Hong Kong and she brought sand from that course to their wedding. They blended the same sand and the idea was that their lives came from the same source and were reunited.

Most couples choose to blend different color sand and the result is a layered look in the unity sand vessel. It’s a great way to honor children in a newly blended family too. Everyone can pour their own color!

I usually say…

“Bride and Groom have chosen to commemorate their marriage by blending sand. (Nod to couple or ask them to head over to the unity sand table) For those of you who aren’t familiar with the sand ceremony, it’s meant to represent separate lives coming together as one. Bride and Groom, today you join your lives together.

The separate bottles of sand represent your lives before today. Each grain of sand not only represents every memory and experience you’ve had individually, but also represent your combined experiences going forward for many years to come.

(Tell Bride and Groom to blend sand now) As these two containers of sand are combined, the individual containers of sand no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand aren’t easily separated and poured again into their individual containers, so will your marriage be.” and then ask your couple to return to their spots.

Want to see me describe the unity sand ceremony in detail? Check out the video below!

I give my couples 16 different pieces of imagery to choose from. The most common are the sand ceremony, unity candle, and letter box or wine box. Ceremonies that don’t incorporate some piece of imagery are often too short and lack the same interest as ceremonies that use some sort of imagery. It’s a great way to keep guest’s attention and is a great way to get guests involved.

Wedding imagery often includes the unity candle, sand ceremony, wine or champagne sharing, flowers to VIPs, the blessing tree, butterfly release, parental vows, giving gifts to kids, letter box, wine box, tying the knot, hand-fasting, Irish bell of truce, stone blessing, signing the license and stomping the glass.

Often times people are invited up to participate. For example, moms are usually invited up to light their children’s individual candles before the couple then lights the unity candle. Immediate family is usually invited up to put letters into the couple’s letter box.

One of their dads is often asked to present the couple with their bell, if they’ve chosen to incorporate the Irish Bell of Truce. Kids from previous relationships are often invited up to pour sand too or even light a candle. I tell couples that they’re welcome to make something up and create their own piece of imagery.

If this process still feels a bit overwhelming, click here to find out how to reduce your and your couple’s stress.

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Many friends who’ve gotten ordained online have reached out for help, having no idea where to start with ceremony planning. They need guidance and fast! So, I lead them through my process.

The main elements of a contemporary wedding ceremony are:
1) Welcoming Guests (thank everyone for coming and let them know how important they are)
2) Opening Commentary (speak to the couple about their relationship and marriage)
3) Reading #1 (can come from anywhere)
4) Imagery (unity candle, blending sand, letter box, champagne toast, etc)
5) Reading #2
6) Exchange of Vows (only around 10-15% of couples write their own)
7) Exchange of Rings (find a tradition that’s meaningful to the couple)
8) Reading #3
9) Pronouncement (send them off smiling!)

There’s no right or wrong way to officiate a modern wedding ceremony. I’ve found this outline to work well and naturally flow from one part of the ceremony into the next. You’ll find other formats online, but this one has worked well for me for almost eleven years and I get positive feedback from those who’ve used it.

Make sure that your couple knows that they’re welcome to add or remove readings to play with their ceremony’s length, and sometimes have more than one piece of imagery, but that the above outline works great.

Interfaith Jewish and Christian couples often light the unity candle and then stomp the glass at the very end of their ceremony as a way to honor both their religions. I had one couple who jumped the broom (African tradition) and then both stomped on a glass as their guests yelled, “Mozel Tov!” It was great fun.

I know of around 20 pieces of wedding imagery that can be used to commemorate the occasion. None of which are mandatory. They are a fun way to mix it up and keep the guest’s attention, to create a keepsake, or even to create a new tradition. Check out my article on unity ceremony ideas.

Other common wedding imagery would be ringing bells, lighting the unity candle, setting a nice bottle of wine aside for a future anniversary in a wine box, having both families come up and deposit words of advice into a letter box time capsule, sharing wine, or toasting champagne.

I’ve even officiated a wedding where the couple made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ate it in front of everyone during their ceremony!

My process is stress-free and fun. You can find out more about it here.

How to officiate a modern wedding

If the ceremony is not a religious ritual, I’m glad to say there’s no right or wrong way to officiate. Weddings don’t have to be somber or follow any ancient format.

If the couple wants their dog to escort their rings down the aisle, let them. If they’d like one of their grandpas to be their flower girl, awesome! People love it and it makes for great photos. If they’d like to have friends or family members come up to read during their ceremony, that’s great too.

My experience has taught me that the fewer rules I have as an officiant, the more fun couples have. I dressed up as Julius Cesar and wore a laurel and toga for one wedding and have been asked to dress like Elvis. Those are amazing life experiences to put on a resume and life is short, so I try not to take myself too seriously. I encourage you to do the same. Have fun!

Very few people get to officiate a wedding, so enjoy it.

The outline above should give you a road map to follow and feel free to check out my ceremony material to fill in the blanks.

There’s lots to know and this article just scratches the surface, so I’ve listed a few other articles worth checking out below.

Links to other resources

Who can officiate a wedding, where you’ll find the rules and links to places to get ordained.

How you’ll be judged while officiating, so don’t stare down at your book the whole time.

Wedding rehearsal guide, which will show you how to look like a pro!

Newbie ordained minister mistakes, like forgetting to ask the guests to “please rise” when the bride is walking in.

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How is a non religious wedding ceremony different from a nondenominational wedding ceremony? It’s a question that I’m asked every now and then.

Nondenominational still implies that the ceremony is Christian in some way, without adhering to a particular sect of Christianity. There are many sects, with 30 or so main denominations.

A nonreligious wedding ceremony will have no mention of God or anything religious. It might still have spiritual elements, like stopping to breathe and soak in the moment, or acknowledging nature during the ceremony or by blessing the couple’s hands. Religious and spiritual are not the same thing and lots of people are spiritual, without necessarily being religious.

Nondenominational ceremonies mention God and are faith-based, but with so many different faiths and spiritual beliefs, I find it’s best to mention God as everyone’s homeboy.

I am not a Christian minister, so wedding attendees may have knowledge of the bible that’s far superior to my own. I only mention Jesus when specifically instructed to by my couple and usually ask if they have a religious family member who would like to come up to read it, or perhaps lead a prayer.

Every now and then I’ll meet a religious grandparent while at the wedding and receive 20 questions about my religious training. I tell that grandparent that I’m a nondenominational minister who honors the truth in all faiths and that the couple’s ceremony is fairly laid-back, but still honors God. That answer usually suffices. I understand that they’re only giving me the 3rd degree because they care.

Nonreligious wedding ceremonies are my specialty. They’re not religious in any sense, nor are they generally spiritual. There are quite a few religious ministers in my town, but few who will officiate a wedding that brings a gay couple together, or couples from two different faiths, or atheists. When two different faiths are present it can be best to have a ceremony totally free of anything spiritual, but can also include elements from each faith and honor both. The trick I’ve learned, is not to make anyone in attendance feel alienated.

Nonreligious wedding ceremonies are becoming more and more common. Perhaps because the lack of rules or defined way of doing things. They’re flexible. Sometimes a couple will have their dog as their ring bearer, a grandparent acting as flower girl, or even a surprise wedding. I’ve been fortunate enough to officiate three surprise weddings. One of those surprise weddings was a play in the couple’s backyard that turned out to be their wedding. The play was Roman themed and I dressed up as Julius Ceasar! Everyone in attendance was so surprised and it was one of my favorite wedding ceremonies.

Remember, your wedding is a presentation of YOUR TRUTH and no one else’s.

It’s important to know which type of ceremony is best for you, and it can easily be a blend. It’s tough when religious family members are paying for the celebration, and so a blended ceremony might please everyone involved. I often tell nonreligious couples who have religious family members that it might make sense to close their ceremony with something like, An Old Irish Blessing. It’s a great reading that anyone can appreciate and mentions God, so everyone wins. Check it out below.

An Old Irish Blessing: May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall soft upon your fields. May God hold you in the palm of his hand. May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children’s children. May you be rich in blessing and may you know nothing but happiness from this day forward, with the saddest day of your future being no worse than the happiest day of your past.

May warm rays of sun fall upon your home and may the hand of a friend always be near. May green be the grass you walk on. May blue be the skies above you. May pure be the joys that surround you and may true be the hearts that love you…

… “You are now, as your hearts have always known you to be, husband and wife. Groom, kiss your beautiful bride!” Then there’s a big smooch and the party begins.

So how does one officiate a wedding ceremony? Click here to find out!

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