Wedding Officiant Tips While at the Ceremony

Officiant field guide

The officiant’s job at the ceremony goes way beyond reading the script. Match the couple’s colors, hand out mints, sound check with the DJ, practice the vows, and put every other vendor on your side. These are the small moves that make everyone’s day easier, and they’re why I’ve stayed busy for over 1,000 ceremonies.

Eight small moves that make you look like a pro

• Match your tie to the wedding colors

  Ask the couple what their wedding colors are and coordinate your tie. I can’t tell you how many times someone has commented on my tie matching the couple’s colors. It’s a tiny touch that reads as pure pro.

• Bring mints

  Nothing says professional like handing out mints while everyone’s lined up waiting for the processional. It also solves a problem nobody wants to mention out loud.

• Sound check with the DJ

  Do it before guests are seated and find a volume that’s comfortable for you. When I hear my own voice too loudly it’s genuinely distracting, so dialing this in matters more than you’d think.

• Practice the vows beforehand

  If your couple will repeat their vows after you, find them before the ceremony and run it once. They’re not just matching your cadence. They’re looking to you to help them relax so they can mean what they say.

• Kill the ringers

  Remind the whole wedding party to double check that their phones are silenced before the ceremony starts. One ringtone during the vows is one too many.

• Give parents a plan

  Ask guests with babies or young kids if they’ve got a plan should their child become a distraction. I tell them I have two young kids myself and even mine aren’t always angels. The couple only gets one shot at this, so it’s better for a noisy kid to be quietly secret serviced out than for a parent to shush them in place and make the distraction bigger.

• Carry tissues

  Keep a couple in your pocket to hand to the couple if the tears come, or make sure one partner has one ready to pass to the other mid ceremony. It’s a lovely moment when it’s handled smoothly.

• Stay present

  People can see when you’re not present, and it reads as inauthentic. Squeeze your toes inside your shoes, take full breaths, and pause for two full seconds before your next sentence. That pause is hard to do, and it’s exactly what makes you come across as someone with presence and authority.

Get every other vendor on your side

Roughly half the weddings here in Scottsdale are officiated by friends or family, and the rookie mistakes can grate on full time pros. A few easy moves put every vendor on your side, and vendors who like you send referrals.

• Learn their names before you arrive

  Write the other vendors’ names in your ceremony book ahead of time. The venue timeline usually lists them. Walking up and saying “Hi Jane, I’m Joe, the officiant” sets people at ease instantly.

• Ask how you can make their job easier

  Ask each pro if they have any requests. I tell photographers I’ll step out of the shot when the couple kisses, which usually earns a smile and a new friend.

• Offer the coordinator a hand

  Ask if you can help, and then actually help. Coordinators run the hardest job of the day and they remember the officiants who noticed.

• Respect the DJ’s turf

  Ask whether they want to make the cocktail hour announcement or would rather you do it. Respecting their role makes them easier to work with all night.

Help others and they help you. It’s the whole secret.

Presence is the real skill

It’s important to express love to the couple and to the guests, and that’s hard to do if you’re not present. Confident posture tells people you’re someone with authority, your inner state shows up in your body language, and everyone knows the difference between a genuine smile and a fake one. You have to mean it.

Author Olivia Fox says that when a speech matters, she practices until every breath is perfect. She writes the word breathe at the top of every page, adds notes every few pages that say pause, breathe, slow down, and has even asked an audience member to signal her if she needs to slow down. Steal that. Write breathe on your ceremony book.

Before the big day, read how to run a wedding rehearsal. And for the moments nobody plans for, read managing unexpected noise and distractions.

A few common questions