I’ve officiated weddings for ten years as of this writing, and only within the last year have I experienced people throwing up or fainting during the ceremony.

In the audio clip below, the bride came down the aisle with her mom and then barfed out of nervousness before I really said anything. She handled it like an absolute champ, but was certainly embarrassed nonetheless.

The audio sample is below, so you can hear how I handled a bride throwing up.

The best man fainted TWICE during the audio sample below, once during the ring exchange and then just two minutes later as I started their pronouncement. Fortunately, the bride’s aunt was a nurse and she rushed out of her seat to help.

To hear how I handled someone fainting during a ceremony, click the audio below.

If you want to really know how to officiate a wedding when someone faints or throws up, my advice is to…

1) Instruct the couple and their bridal party to eat a little before the ceremony. Don’t suggest they pig out, just have a little something in their stomachs.

2) STAY CALM! Your energy is contagious and if you freak out, you’ll make it much worse for the wedding participants.

3) Tell the person who’s experiencing the upset to squeeze their toes inside their shoes. This naturally grounds us and brings our conscious awareness back to the present moment.

4) Instruct the person who’s in trouble to BREATHE. Tell the person who’s experiencing the upset to take full, deep breaths.

5) Ask a guest or someone in the bridal party to get water for whoever’s about to pass out or throw up.

6) Get a cold, damp towel or handkerchief for their forehead or to wipe their mouth and clean up.

7) Act like it’s no big deal! The person who experienced the upset is undoubtedly embarrassed and if you remain calm and act like it’s no big deal, their embarrassment will be diminished and you’ll look like a pro. Celebrate their recovery and ask the guests for applause!

Having a bunch of people clap for you feels great, even when you’re embarrassed. That person will then know that his/her guests love and support them and then the ice has been officially broken before the ceremony even started. It’ll be way more comfortable for the fainter/barfer when first walking into their reception.

8) Give them a mint. Man do I wish I remembered that I had Altoids in my pocket! I carry a small tin of Altoids to hand out to the couple and their bridal party before walking into a ceremony. I would’ve looked even more professional, but it was my first time experiencing something like this and I forgot that the mints were there.

I think the 8 steps above work equally well for someone who faints, as long as they don’t hit their head on the ground. If they hit their head, seek medical attention!

Weddings are live events and so they don’t always go as planned. The best way to handle unexpected things is to act like you’ve seen it before and that it’s not a big deal. Stay calm, THEN ACT.

I hope you’ve found this helpful. If you’d like to know the other ways to handle unexpected distractions during a ceremony, click here.

If you’d like to know other helpful tips while at the ceremony, click here.

Also, check out my video training.

The post How to officiate a wedding when she barfs! first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

The three most common unwanted distractions are babies, airplanes and road noise. If you want to know how to officiate a wedding and how to manage unexpected noises and distractions, keep reading. I’ll tell you how I manage all three.

First and foremost, rehearse!  My premium wedding ceremonies at 1st Officiant are personalized and unique to each couple, so practice plays a huge role.  I read every ceremony aloud 10-15 times beforehand and use different color pens to make marks on the pages, which helps me to keep my spot.  The “cheat sheets” in my video training package help a lot with this. If you’re serious about looking like a pro, check out the ultimate bundle.

Below is a video of me officiating an elopement at the base of Camelback Mountain, here in Phoenix.  The couple wanted their ceremony to be real, so there were interruptions and distractions because they chose to get married at a public place.  I was prepared though, so watch the video and hear how the kids yelling didn’t phase me.

Manage unexpected noise from babies and kids

Before any ceremony, I usually ask guests with kids to please have a plan, should their child become a distraction during the ceremony.

This isn’t always easy because it offends people sometimes so to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings I usually say something like, “I love kids.  I have two little ones and understand that sometimes they’re noisy at exactly the wrong time.  With that being said, if by chance your child loses it during their ceremony, please secret service him out instead of trying to quiet him down and accidentally creating an even bigger distraction.  The bride and groom only get one shot at this and we all want it to be perfect for them!”  99% of the time the parent will gladly agree.

Manage unexpected noise from airplanes or automobiles

This happens a lot.  The airport in Phoenix is in the center of the city so airplanes are constantly overhead.  I don’t bring it up before their ceremony because I don’t want to potentially stress the couple out.  I wait until it actually happens.  

If an airplane flies overhead during their ceremony, I’ll usually lower my microphone at the exact time the plane is almost overhead and ask, “Do you guys want me to wait for the plane to pass or power through the noise?” and let the bride and groom decide.  Most couples ask me to pause and wait for the plane to pass, but all appreciate I give them a choice.

Motorcycles and loud cars are often an issue too.  Some venues in town are located on main roads in nice areas, where motorcycles are popular and they are LOUD!  Fortunately, they pass by fairly quickly, so I don’t ask the couple what they prefer.  I simply pause and wait, as if it’s no big deal.

Your body language and energy is important

If the crying baby, plane or motorcycle is no big deal to you, it’ll be no big deal to your couple and the goal is to have them feeling great.

Manage unexpected noise from cell phones

The easiest way is to ask people to silence their phones.  Before the ceremony when everyone is lined up and about to walk in, I instruct the bridal party to please verify their ringers are turned off.  I’ve only had a groomsman’s cell phone go off once because I take precautions ahead of time.

The only way to prevent guest’s phones from ringing is to make an announcement at the very beginning of their ceremony, and that’s something that I leave up to the couple.  I never ask guests to keep their phones away unless the couple asks me to.  

I might then say something like, “Bride and Groom are having what’s known as an unplugged ceremony, meaning that they’d like you to please keep your phones away and sit back and fully relax.  Be present and enjoy their ceremony.  They’ve hired a really great photographer, who’s going to make photos available to everyone, so you won’t miss anything.”

I hope these tips were helpful.  If you’d like to read a few extra tips to make life easier while at your ceremony, click here.

The post Manage unexpected noise and distractions first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Many couples choose ceremony elements that include their guests, like the wine box, letter box, unity candle, guest readings, etc. and often times those guests aren’t prepared.  Most of the time it’s because the couple forgot to tell them, so I’m always sure to introduce myself to anyone who’s participating before the ceremony begins. Roughly 1/3 of the time, moms aren’t told that they’re coming up to light candles or family hasn’t been asked to write letters for the couple’s letter box.

Two weeks in a row I’ve had couples use the letter box or wine box as their imagery, where I invite family members up to deposit letters they’ve written to the couple and exchange hugs. Family members usually get immediately stressed and freak out because they weren’t told and never wrote a letter to the couple.  

My job is to officiate, so I tell them that it’s no big deal and that it happens all the time.  The last thing the bride and groom needs are stressed out family members.  If they don’t have paper handy, I’ll find them a few pieces and tell them to bring up blank paper to deposit during the ceremony and to write letters of blessings, encouragement, and support later on, after the wedding.  This usually calms nerves immediately and gives them permission to relax.

Guest readers are often not prepared, too.  The male ego is an interesting thing.  I’ve asked so many guys if they practiced their reading out loud only to be brushed off and told, “I got it, man.”  They inevitably trip on their words and lose their place and bomb.  So, I’ve learned to tell them that we want the couple’s ceremony to kick ass and that takes a team effort.  

It’s a bit passive aggressive, but I then say something like, “Since everyone here wants their ceremony to be their best memory yet, I’m sure taking a few minutes alone to practice your guest reading out loud makes sense.  Right?”  I then show the guest reader how I underline words in my book where I’ll inflect my voice in some way and that it helps me to keep my place, so I can look up from the page.  That usually works and the reader then finds a quiet place to practice.

Before every ceremony, I’m sure to ask the bride who will escort her down the aisle and if she’d like me to ask, “Who has the honor of escorting Bride down the aisle and presenting her to the groom?”  The old-school way to say that is, “Who gives this woman away?” but times have changed and the bride’s not a possession or gift.  If she’d like me to ask, I’m sure to then speak to her dad, or whoever is escorting her down the aisle so that person knows I’m going to stick a microphone in their face, expecting an answer.  

I don’t want to surprise him and make him look foolish in front of all the guests, but when dad messes up, it’s usually funny and a great ice-breaker.  The bride’s dad is usually grateful for my introduction and attempt to prepare him prior to the ceremony.  Dad usually asks, “What do most people say?” and I tell him to please feel free to say whatever he likes, but most dads say something like, “I’m her dad and it’s my honor.”

As officiants, it’s our job to be prepared and to help others do the same.  Calming nerves and preparing others is part of the deal, and I love it and hope you do too!

Want other wedding vendors to be really nice to you?  You can read that article here.

The post What to do when wedding participants aren’t prepared first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Nonverbal communication is perhaps the most important kind of communication.

Studies have consistently shown that audience ratings of a lecture are more strongly influenced by delivery style than by content. I’d love to tell you that my ceremony material is all you need to do a great job, but that wouldn’t be correct. I made the video training to help with this.

“When our verbal and nonverbal signals are in congruence, the nonverbal amplifies the verbal. When they conflict, we tend to trust the nonverbal.” Olivia Fox Cabane from her book, The Charisma Myth.

Wedding guests will judge your appearance, posture, voice fluctuation, how often you look up from the page you’re reading from, and in other ways. Fluctuating your voice by pitch (high or low), volume (loud or soft), tone (resonant or hollow), tempo (fast or slow), or rhythm (fluid or staccato) are all ways to improve your stage presence and overall success of your ceremony.

My “cheat sheets” have words underlined so you not only know where to inflect your voice in some way, but will also be able to keep your place as you look up and then back down at the page you’re reading from.

It’s important to look up and speak to the guests and the couple. Staring at your ceremony book and reading will come off as insincere and will seem like you don’t know what you’re doing. The goal is to speak to people in a conversational way, not read to them.

It’s important to remember that you’re also making an impression on the bride and groom’s families. So, smile at them and make sure they know that you’re happy for them.

The other wedding vendors will be watching you too. The DJ will notice if you aren’t holding the handheld microphone close enough to your face so everyone can hear you.

The photographer will notice if you don’t get out of the photo when the couple kisses, after you pronounce them husband and wife or a married couple. Don’t be creepy and photo bomb their kiss!

The venue coordinator will be watching to see if you are easy to work with and if you know what you’re doing when signing their marriage license. If you’re unsure when you see the license, READ IT BEFORE WRITING ON IT!

There are plenty of newbie ordained minister mistakes, that I detailed in a different article here. If this will be the first time you officiate a wedding, be sure to read that article. It will help you look more like a pro.

Also be sure to read my article, How to manage unexpected noise and distractions, here.

The post How you’ll be judged when officiating a wedding first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

One of the reasons I’m blessed to be busy is that I make things as easy as possible for everyone I work with, vendors, couples and their families.

If you want to know how to officiate a wedding, here are a few easy tricks to help things go smoothly.

1) Ask the couple what their bridal colors are and coordinate your tie. I can’t tell you how many times someone has made a positive comment about my tie matching the couple’s colors. It’ll make you look like a pro.

2) Bring mints. Nothing says that you’re a professional like handing out mints while everyone is in line and waiting to walk in for the processional.

3) Be sure to do a sound check with the DJ before the ceremony starts. Find a volume level that’s comfortable for you. When I hear my own voice too loudly, it’s very distracting, so finding a good volume level is essential.

4) If your couple will repeat their vows after you, find them before the ceremony to practice. They’re not only trying to match your cadence, but are looking to you to help them relax so they mean what they say.

5) Remind all groomsmen to double check that the ringers are turned off on their cell phones before the ceremony starts.

6) Ask any guests with babies or young kids if they have a plan should their child become a distraction during the ceremony. I tell those parents that I have two young kids and even mine aren’t always perfect angels. I tell these guests that the bride and groom only get one shot at this and that it’s better for noisy kids to be ‘secret-serviced’ out instead of trying to quiet the child down and making the distraction even more noticeable.

7) Have tissues in your pocket that you can hand to the couple, should one of them cry, or make sure the groom has one that he can hand off to the bride if she cries during their ceremony.

8) People don’t realize it, but when they are not present it is visible to others. And then they can be perceived as inauthentic or not caring. The last thing you want is for the couple to think you are disingenuous. One strategy I use to help me stay present is to squeeze my feet inside my shoes and another is to take full breaths. It’s difficult to do, but if you’re able to pause for two full seconds before speaking again and beginning your next sentence, you will be perceived as someone of presence and authority.

It’s important to express love to the couple and also the guests. That’s difficult to do if you’re not present. Confident posture leads people to believe you are someone of authority and will tend to accept whatever you say. Positive and negative thinking shows up in our body language and being prepared leads to peaceful inner state and thus Charisma on stage. You know the difference between a genuine smile and a fake smile, when you see one.  You have to mean it!

Author, Olivia Fox says that when speech is important, she practices until every breath is perfect. She writes the word breathe on the top of every page. And every few pages has a note that says pause, breathe, slow down. She’s even asked a member of the audience to give her a certain signal if she needs to slow down.

I hope these tips help. Remember, I offer video training and 1-on-1 coaching.

The post How to officiate a wedding: A few tips while at the ceremony first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Roughly half the weddings here in Scottsdale are officiated by friends or family and their rookie mistakes can be annoying for full-time wedding professionals. Full-time wedding pros include, wedding videographers, wedding coordinators, wedding venue staff, marriage photographers, wedding DJs, makeup artists, and more.

Here are a few easy things you can do so that your experience officiating a wedding is great!

1) Write all other wedding pro’s names in your ceremony book before arriving. That way you can say, “Hi Jane! I’m Joe, their officiant.” People love hearing their own names and it makes a great first impression. Venue coordinators often email out a timeline prior to the ceremony, and other vendors contact info can be found on this timeline.

2) Ask each wedding pro the couple has hired, if they have any special requests of you or if you can make their job easier in any way.

3) Ask any wedding coordinators or planners at the venue, if you can lend a hand. Go out of your way to help them!

4) I often smile and tell photographers that I won’t be creepy and will step out of the scene as the couple kisses. It usually gets a smile and I’ve often made a new friend because ministers are generally expected to be conservative people, who might not say something like that.

5) Ask their DJ if he/she wants to make the announcement, instructing their guests to cocktail hour or if he thinks you should say it during the recessional. It will show their DJ that you respect what he does and he’ll then likely be easier to work with in turn.

How to officiate a wedding: Help others and they’ll likely help you.

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking. In my next article, I’ll discuss how guests will judge you and give you a few tips to help. You can read that here. Stay well!

The post Want other wedding vendors to be really nice to you? first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

My parents got divorced in 1981, when I was only six years old and they still don’t really get along. They often make the room uncomfortable because everyone can pick up on one’s distaste for the other and that’s not cool at all.

Unfortunately, the same thing sometimes happens at rehearsals and weddings.  If you want to know how to officiate a wedding and how to officiate a wedding rehearsal when dealing with uncomfortable family dynamics, here are a few strategies I use:

1) Make sure to find out ahead of time if your couple’s parents are married to each other or divorced. If divorced or remarried, be sure to find out their parents’ current last names. Forget using first names. It’s too easy to make mistakes. Just use, “Mr. and Mrs.” or “Ms.”

2) Smile and get genuinely excited for your couple. Your energy is contagious and will affect the mood of the room.

3) Have a plan so that people aren’t left standing next to each other with nothing to do or talk about. Having a strategy of things to accomplish will keep things moving along and get people away from each other faster.

4) Go out of your way to warmly interact with step-parents. It’s probably twice as uncomfortable for them.

5) If there are children around, focus people’s attention on how carefree the kids are and how much fun they’re having.

There are certainly other ways to manage stressful family dynamics, but these are the basics that work for me.

You can’t control outcomes and aren’t responsible for other people’s actions, but you were hired to officiate and the scope of that responsibility sometimes lands outside the actual ceremony itself, too. Remember that weddings are stressful and sometimes that stress manifests in behavior that’s outside what someone might say or do ordinarily.

You’ll do the bride and groom a great service by employing the strategies above. Have a plan and schedule to move things along and that way people aren’t standing around, with time to chat too much with each other. This will show the couple and everyone there that you’re a pro and that’ll help everyone feel so much more comfortable when you’re around.

Hopefully those in attendance realize that it’s not about them and that they’re there for the bride and groom. Hopefully they can act like adults and no major issues will arise and the strategies above will help with that.

Want to know some of the tricks I use, so you’re easy to work with too? Click here!

The post Dealing with uncomfortable family dynamics first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.