Weddings are amazing milestones in life, but ceremonies can be boring and sometimes guests are just waiting for the reception. Fortunately, I’ve got a few memorable wedding unity ceremony ideas to share, so that your couples’ are meaningful and stand out.

Incorporating symbolism and imagery is a simple trick and actually goes back thousands of years. For example, Catholic couples light the unity candle, Jewish couples share wine and then stomp the glass as everyone yells “Mazel Tov,” and Irish couples have been known to ring the bell of truce. 

Wedding symbolism and imagery is often used to honor your couples’ heritage, but can also be used simply to mix things up, create a keepsake to remind them of their wedding, or even to create their own new tradition. And best of all, it’s easier than you think and doesn’t have to be religious or cultural!

Most wedding officiants will gladly include any of the options listed below and photographers love them because they make for great photo opportunities. Ask the DJ to play soft music during wedding imagery and it’ll make it even better. 

There are 15 to 20 different ways to incorporate wedding symbolism. I’ll share the most common first and then describe a few that can really set your ceremonies apart from everyone else’s. 

Oh and before I forget… I use “bride and groom” in my examples below just for simplicity. Please know that I honor and gladly officiate same-sex ceremonies too.

Traditional Wedding Unity Ceremony Ideas

Unity Candle

The unity candle is known as a Catholic tradition, but can be used for nonreligious ceremonies too.

The nondenominational way to incorporate the unity candle might be by saying something like this, “Bride and Groom have chosen to symbolize their commitment through lighting the unity candle. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the unity candle, it’s meant to represent two lives becoming one through marriage. We’d like Bride’s mom, Name? and Groom’s mom, Name? to come up and join in the ceremony.

They’ve asked their moms to light the outside candles because they lit their lives.  It’s an expression of love, a way of saying “Thank you” to all of their parents for bringing them to this amazingly special point in their lives. Together, Bride and Groom light one candle from two smaller candles as they acknowledge their union as husband and wife.

As their individual flames come together, the single flame burns much brighter, symbolizing their strength in marriage. By allowing the flames of the two smaller candles to remain lit, they agree to respect each other as individuals. Bride and Groom are each unique people, but have chosen to be bound together as one. From today forward they will fully share the “ups” and “downs” of life and their plans truly will be mutual.”

To see me describe the unity candle in detail check out the video below!

Glass Stomp

Jewish weddings can be really fun, from carrying the bride on a chair and dancing the Horah, or toasting wine during the ceremony, to stomping the glass and yelling, “Mazel tov!”

Here’s what I usually say for the glass stomp: “Before I pronounce Groom and Bride as husband and wife, they’d like to honor the Jewish tradition and break the glass. Traditionally this marks the beginning of the wedding celebration, but breaking glass also symbolizes the transformation that’s happening for them right now, and as a reminder of the fragility of life.

The glass is broken to protect their marriage with the implied prayer, as this glass shatters so may your marriage never break. After Groom stomps on the glass we invite everyone to cheer and shout the Hebrew words, Mazel Tov, meaning good luck and congratulations. Stomp! Mazel Tov! Kiss the bride! Ladies and gentlemen please rise as I get to introduce for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. ­­­­­______!”

One of my all-time favorite glass stomps can be heard below. It was a great crowd because everyone was ready to party!

Wine or Champagne Sharing

Another tradition common in Jewish weddings is wine or champagne sharing, sometimes referred to as the wine unity ceremony, but it’s increasingly becoming nonreligious. I’ve had couples share whiskey, make a black and tan, and even shoot tequila! 

Lots of people are wine lovers and many get engaged while in wine country and bring a few bottles home, so incorporating wine sharing during their ceremony is an excellent way to commemorate the occasion. 

I usually say something like this, “Bride and Groom have chosen to commemorate their marriage by sharing wine. Throughout history in nearly all cultures and traditions, sharing wine or champagne has been used as a universal, central act during significant moments. There’s symbolism to be honored. Wine is the result of years of hard work, the tender care of the grape, a thoughtful mix of ingredients, the patient fermenting process and the unique flavors of each year, just like relationships.

Bride and Groom are sharing their first glass of wine as husband and wife to not only celebrate all that has taken place up to this point, but as an expression of hope and faith in the harvest of their lives. As you share the wine, so may you share all things from this day on with love and with understanding. May you be blessed with joy and gladness, vigor of body and spirit, love, harmony, and peace.”

While certain wedding traditions go back hundreds or even thousands of years, times are changing and I encourage couples to make their ceremony a presentation of their truth, not anyone else’s.

Here’s a clip of the couple sharing the black and tan:

Nonreligious Wedding Unity Ideas

Wine Box (Often combined with the letter box)

If your couple happens to love wine, consider the wine box. Set that special bottle and two love letters aside for a future anniversary celebration!

I might say, “Bride and Groom have written each other love letters and they’ll be placed in this box along with a bottle of wine to be read and shared next year, on their first anniversary. There’s symbolism to be mentioned. Making wine is a time-honored process, the tender care of the grape, a thoughtful mix of ingredients, the patient fermenting process and the unique flavors of each year, like relationships. They’re setting a special bottle of wine aside to share as they celebrate all that’s taken place together. It’s an expression of hope and faith in the harvest of their lives.

Over the next year Bride and Groom will grow together as a couple and on their first anniversary they will open this wooden box that has protected their wishes and thoughts and present their letters to each other and toast to everything they’ve accomplished together and to a wonderful future. They might then replace this bottle of wine with a new bottle to be opened up on a successive anniversary. 

This is a really great tradition that you two have started. You two have created a wonderful way to reflect on what you’ve done together as a team, the successes that have lifted you up and the challenges that you’ll be forced to learn from. Congratulations you guys!”

Unity Sand Ceremony

One of the most popular wedding unity ideas is blending sand. Usually the couple blends different colors together that create visible layers, but one of my favorites used sand from a sand trap from the golf course where the couple met. The idea behind blending the same sand was that they were never separate, and reunited.

“Bride and Groom have chosen to commemorate their marriage by blending sand. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the sand ceremony, it’s meant to represent separate lives coming together as one. Bride and Groom, today you join your lives together.

The separate bottles of sand represent your lives before today. Each grain of sand not only represents every memory and experience you’ve had individually, but also represent your combined experiences going forward for many years to come. As these two containers of sand are combined, the individual containers of sand no longer exist, but will be joined together as one.

These grains of sand aren’t easily separated and poured again into their individual containers, and so will it be with your marriage and your lives.”

The unity sand ceremony is an excellent way to blend two families together too! Simply add more containers of sand and the children can come up and pour with the couple into a common vessel, and then there’s a cool keepsake sitting around the house to remind everyone of the wedding.

To see me describe the sand ceremony in detail check out the video below!

The Letter Box

The letter box is a great way to honor family by asking for advice and gives any couple something to look forward to years down the road. If they’re close with their family, have your couple ask them for advice and to share words of wisdom for married life in the form of letters.

Then you can invite everyone up to deposit their letters into the couple’s time capsule and exchange hugs. It makes for excellent photos and works even better if their DJ softly plays a song they love during this portion of the ceremony.

I usually say, “Bride and Groom have asked their families for advice, blessings and support, and are starting a time capsule of sorts. We’ll invite some of their family members up now to deposit their letters into the time capsule and give hugs. Out of sincere respect and admiration, Bride and Groom would like their grandparents to come up first. Mr. and Mrs. ??? will you please join us? Bride and Groom plan to read these letters on their tenth wedding anniversary.

With equal respect and admiration, now we’d like to invite your folks to join us to put their letters in the box and give hugs. Mr. and Mrs.?, Mr. and Ms.? Will you please join us? Bride and Groom plan to read these letters on their fifth wedding anniversary. Now we’d like to invite all your siblings to join us to put their letters in the box and exchange hugs. Bride and Groom plan to read these letters on their third wedding anniversary. Next, the letters written to each other/or vows are placed in the box, which will be read next year, on their first anniversary.

During the next year Bride and Groom will grow together as a couple and on their first anniversary they will open this wooden box that has protected their wishes and thoughts and present their letters to each other. This is a really great tradition you have started. Our hopes and prayers are that the adventures of Bride and Groom will have included many of your aspirations by the time you read all these letters. You’ve created a wonderful way to reflect on who you’ve met, the successes that have lifted you up and the challenges that you’ll be forced to learn from. Congratulations you two!”

The number of years your couples wait to open the letters is certainly optional. Lots of couples choose to open them all on their first anniversary. It’s totally up to them and I often encourage couples to write each other love letters that can go in the box too, to be opened down the road on a specified anniversary.

To see me describe the letter box in detail check out the video below!

Unity Ceremony Ideas With Guest Participation

Giving Flowers and Hugs

Presenting parents and grandparents with flowers and hugs following any of the previously mentioned ideas is a way to make any ceremony even more memorable. Couples often feel indebted to their families, so they can surprise moms/grandmas with flowers and dads/grandpas with hugs following the unity candle, sand ceremony, wine sharing, or any piece of ceremony imagery. It’s a fun surprise for them and a great photo opportunity!

I usually say something like this, “Before Bride and Groom exchange their vows and rings, they’ve requested the opportunity to surprise their moms with flowers and dads with hugs because they love you all so much. Thank you for bringing them to this amazingly special point in their lives.”

Lots of couples love their friends just as much as they love their families and want to get everyone at their wedding involved. Releasing butterflies or sending good vibes into stones are great ways to do that.

Butterfly Release

Live butterflies can be ordered online and they can arrive in individual cardboard containers. Check out swallowtail farms. Place a cardboard container on each chair and let the guests know not to sit on them, because there’s a live butterfly in there! The couple can also have a box on a table up front near you that contains lots of live butterflies just waiting to be released.

I usually say this, “Hopefully you all noticed the cardboard container on your seat. There’s a live butterfly inside and we’re all going to set them free in moment! The butterfly symbolizes new beginnings, freedom and happiness and the butterfly release is a special way to celebrate love. According to an American Indian legend, we can whisper a wish to a butterfly and the wish will ride upon the butterfly’s wings into the heavens.

Since a butterfly makes no sound, the wish is only revealed to the Great Spirit and in gratitude for giving the butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish. We’ve gathered to grant Bride and Groom all our best wishes and are about to set these butterflies free in trust that those wishes will be granted. Congratulations, you two!”

Listen to a butterfly release here:

Stone Blessing

The stone blessing is another uncommon way to get guests involved. Some couples place polished stones on each chair and others who love the outdoors, go for a hike and place cool rocks they found along the way on each of their guest’s chairs. Advise them to check local laws to make sure taking rocks from nature is legal. If your couple is metaphysically minded, this is a great way to collect good vibes and send them off and into life on a truly positive note. Before their ceremony place a stone on each chair and make sure your couple has stones of their own to hold too.

I say, “Hopefully you noticed the stone that was sitting on your chair. That is called a blessing stone. As Bride and Groom exchange their vows and rings, we ask that you hold your individual stone and think of all the amazing possibilities that await them and send those positive thoughts and prayers into your individual stone and then place it into the vase/box on your way out.

Bride and Groom will then have a wonderful keepsake from these next few minutes that includes the essence of each and every one of their friends and family members who came here to celebrate with them today. Thank you so much for your love and support. Please place your stone in the wooden box, cool vase, or whatever container on your way to the reception!” 

Listen to the stone blessing here:

Unique Unity Ceremony Ideas

In the beginning of this article I mentioned that having the DJ play soft music during the unity ceremony makes it even better. Well, the easiest way to raise the energy is through song choice. Ceremonies can easily be personalized by playing a song no one expects to hear. I officiated a wedding where one couple played Queen’s song, Another One Bite’s the Dust and the room was filled with laughter!

But if you’re looking for a unique unity ceremony ideas that are beyond just song choice, two immediately come to mind. One couple I got to work with had been dating since high school and they used to go to each other’s houses and make PB & Js after school, so they decided to make one during their ceremony!

Unity Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

Here’s what I said, “Love is meant to be experienced, not described. Just like Bride and Groom’s favorite sandwich since childhood, peanut butter and jelly, it’s how it makes you feel; comforted, safe and loved. So, Bride and Groom have decided to have a little fun and commemorate their marriage by making a PB and J! The peanut butter and jelly sandwich is just like Bride and Groom, the perfect pairing: sweet, a little nutty, and goodness that will stand the test of time.

With the uniqueness that is only Bride and Groom, the unity ceremony will be the best of two halves, the perfect combination coming together as one. When life is like jelly and things get sticky, their love is like peanut butter, the glue that holds it all together.

After joining their halves into the perfect sandwich, they’ll take a bite to signify the first step toward enjoying their satisfyingly “sweet life” together and that brings them here; a time to pause, look back, and smile at all the moments that brought them here, love for each other, love for their dog Frank, and love for their family and friends.

It’s also a time to look ahead to all the moments that are still to come. Bride and Groom, when 50 years have flown by, may you sit together and share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and remember this moment, and how it made you feel when the best of two halves became one.”

The guests laughed and cheered. Everyone loved it and there’s no doubt their ceremony will be remembered.

Unity Painting

The last unity ceremony idea for today is another that’s sure to light everyone up, the unity painting. I’ve had several couples opt to slap paint on a canvas in front of everyone and it doesn’t usually turn out like they expected, so it’s funny and keeps things light-hearted.

Here’s what I’ve said, “Every marriage starts out as a blank canvas and every day is a splash of color, so Bride and Groom have chosen to symbolize their commitment to each other with a unity painting. This blank canvas represents a new beginning and the paint colors represent their milestones, celebrations, tribulations, passions, and dreams. The combined colors signify the experiences that lie ahead; colors of joy and sorrow, blessings and heartache.

They are the moments that become the days that make-up the years. There will be places on the canvas where the colors blend and mix, creating new colors and experiences, and there will also be places where the colors stay separate and stand out alone and independent. Bride and Groom will create a life together, but also respect each other as individuals. There will be contrast, but their colorful experiences will still complement one another.

Parts of the canvas will look dark or messy and those represent life’s challenges. Some spots remain blank and bare, symbolizing limitless possibility.  When you step back and look at the canvas in its entirety, you will see that it clearly is “An Original Masterpiece,” as unique and wonderful as Bride and Groom. May this painting always remind you of your wedding day and unending love. Congratulations, you two.”

You can hear a unity painting ceremony here!

There are quite a few other unity ceremony ideas, but these are a great place to start. Whether couples want to honor their heritage or just have fun, wedding symbolism is a great addition to any ceremony. Incorporating one of these ideas will allow your couple to capture great photos, create a keepsake to remind them of their wedding, create a tradition, or simply get guests involved so the ceremony is memorable. 

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Around half the ceremonies in my town are officiated by people who get ordained online. As of this writing online ordination is legal in 47 states, so thousands of people want to know how to get ordained to perform weddings. You can read more about the states that allow it here.

Why are so many people wanting to get ordained? Not every couple is on the spiritual path or practices a specific religion, so ordaining a close friend or family member to officiate is a great option.

According to AnswerThePublic.com New York, California, Texas, Colorado, Virginia and Alabama seem to be the states with the highest number of online ordinations.

Lots of celebrities get ordained to officiate weddings too. Here are a few just for fun!

1. Jimmy Kimmel
2. Hoda Kotb
3. Ted Danson
4. Tom Hanks
5. Emma Stone
6. Jonah Hill
7. Lady Gaga
8. Benedict Cumberbatch
9. Conan O’Brien
10. Martha Stewart

I’m no celebrity, but it’s how I got started. My best friend asked me to officiate his wedding, so I was originally ordained through the Universal Life Church, but then wound up going to the University of Metaphysical Sciences and getting ordained after graduating from their Master’s program.

I’ve thought about establishing a church so that I can offer online ordination from besttoolsforbusiness.com, but it’s a major pain in the butt with many legalities to consider and can be quite expensive. So…

Instead, I’ll leave ordaining others to the three main online churches.

Get ordained online and become a wedding officiant 

You can quickly get ordained at any one of these three sites, The Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries, or GetOrdained.org. I do not officially endorse any of those churches, but all have generally good reputations. Their process is so simple that you can become an online ordained minister in less than five minutes. There’s really nothing to it and no reason to stress.

Online ordinations are generally free and then the church makes its money by selling ordination credentials, like plaques and other stuff you won’t likely need. I live in Arizona and the state doesn’t require proof of ordination. However, please check with your state because laws are old and sometimes they’re not what you expect.

I’ve officiated weddings for over 12 years and can count on 1 hand the number of times people have asked to see proof that I’m an ordained minister. It’s usually the bride or groom’s religious grandma.

Modern wedding ceremony scripts

Getting ordained is only the first part of the process. Next, you need ceremony material and wedding minister training. Avoiding the most common newbie mistakes is essential.

For example, many new officiants forget to ask the guests to, “Please rise” when the bride walks in and often forget to ask the guests to sit back down, once the bride has made her way to the front and handed off her bouquet.

It’s important to feel confident and to show that confidence, so avoiding easy mistakes is a great way to set yourself up for a great ceremony. I highly encourage you to check out the complete list of newbie ordained minister mistakes and how to avoid them here.

Wedding ceremony outline

Non-religious wedding ceremonies don’t have many rules. However, knowing how to run the couple’s rehearsal is another part that newly ordained ministers often mess up. I have a clearly outlined process that I encourage you to check out here.

Here are the first four of ten things to consider:

1) Review the couple’s notes from your meeting. Make sure you’re aware of any deceased parents or divorced parents and potentially strained relationships.  Every now and then someone is rude and it’s good to know that it’s because that person is stressed out due to a strained relationship and that it has nothing to do with you, personally.  Divorced parents who still don’t get along can easily bring down the positive vibe.

2) Bring a printed copy of the ceremony to the rehearsal. On the last page or wherever there’s space, write down the couple’s parent’s names (sometimes last names are different), any children’s names, coordinator’s names, photographer’s name, DJ’s name.  Occasionally coordinators email out a timeline to the vendors and this info is often on that timeline.  It always impresses people when you walk up to introduce yourself and you know their name.

3) Introduce yourself to EVERYONE at the rehearsal and write names down. Members of the bridal party are prospective clients, parents sometimes give gratuity and fellow vendors give referrals.  Also, you’ll need to know the name of the person/persons holding the rings so you can invite them up during the ceremony.

4) Ask the coordinator how she/he likes to run the rehearsal. Normally she’ll line everyone up in the places they’ll be standing during the ceremony, practice walking out, then walking back in and lining up, then the officiant runs through the bullet points of the ceremony, then everyone will practice walking back out again.

Click HERE to download the complete guide and then check your email.

Wedding officiant training

There are quite a few wedding tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years, so if you’d really like to look like a pro, check out my extra tips here. The article will share things like…

1) Ask the couple what their bridal colors are and coordinate your tie. I can’t tell you how many times someone has made a positive comment about my tie matching the couple’s colors. It’ll make you look like a pro.

2) Bring mints. Nothing says that you’re a professional like handing out mints while everyone is in line and waiting to walk in for the processional.

3) Be sure to do a sound check with the DJ before the ceremony starts. Find a volume level that’s comfortable for you. When I hear my own voice too loudly, it’s very distracting, so finding a good volume level is essential.

And, there are at least five more pro tips to consider.

But again, getting ordained isn’t done through me and my website.

As previously mentioned, you can get ordained online and become a wedding officiant at any one of these three sites, The Universal Life Church, American Marriage Ministries, or GetOrdained.org.

I hope this article was helpful. Please leave a comment down below and let me know if you have any questions at all. Thanks!

To read a complementary article, who can officiate a wedding click here.

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I’ve officiated weddings for ten years as of this writing, and only within the last year have I experienced people throwing up or fainting during the ceremony.

In the audio clip below, the bride came down the aisle with her mom and then barfed out of nervousness before I really said anything. She handled it like an absolute champ, but was certainly embarrassed nonetheless.

The audio sample is below, so you can hear how I handled a bride throwing up.

The best man fainted TWICE during the audio sample below, once during the ring exchange and then just two minutes later as I started their pronouncement. Fortunately, the bride’s aunt was a nurse and she rushed out of her seat to help.

To hear how I handled someone fainting during a ceremony, click the audio below.

If you want to really know how to officiate a wedding when someone faints or throws up, my advice is to…

1) Instruct the couple and their bridal party to eat a little before the ceremony. Don’t suggest they pig out, just have a little something in their stomachs.

2) STAY CALM! Your energy is contagious and if you freak out, you’ll make it much worse for the wedding participants.

3) Tell the person who’s experiencing the upset to squeeze their toes inside their shoes. This naturally grounds us and brings our conscious awareness back to the present moment.

4) Instruct the person who’s in trouble to BREATHE. Tell the person who’s experiencing the upset to take full, deep breaths.

5) Ask a guest or someone in the bridal party to get water for whoever’s about to pass out or throw up.

6) Get a cold, damp towel or handkerchief for their forehead or to wipe their mouth and clean up.

7) Act like it’s no big deal! The person who experienced the upset is undoubtedly embarrassed and if you remain calm and act like it’s no big deal, their embarrassment will be diminished and you’ll look like a pro. Celebrate their recovery and ask the guests for applause!

Having a bunch of people clap for you feels great, even when you’re embarrassed. That person will then know that his/her guests love and support them and then the ice has been officially broken before the ceremony even started. It’ll be way more comfortable for the fainter/barfer when first walking into their reception.

8) Give them a mint. Man do I wish I remembered that I had Altoids in my pocket! I carry a small tin of Altoids to hand out to the couple and their bridal party before walking into a ceremony. I would’ve looked even more professional, but it was my first time experiencing something like this and I forgot that the mints were there.

I think the 8 steps above work equally well for someone who faints, as long as they don’t hit their head on the ground. If they hit their head, seek medical attention!

Weddings are live events and so they don’t always go as planned. The best way to handle unexpected things is to act like you’ve seen it before and that it’s not a big deal. Stay calm, THEN ACT.

I hope you’ve found this helpful. If you’d like to know the other ways to handle unexpected distractions during a ceremony, click here.

If you’d like to know other helpful tips while at the ceremony, click here.

Also, check out my video training.

The post How to officiate a wedding when she barfs! first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Wedding disagreements are normal but fortunately, don’t happen to me all that often. You’ve been asked to officiate a wedding, but at the end of the day, it’s their ceremony and should be the way your couple wants it. It’s a presentation of their truth, not yours or mine.

However, I’ll offer my honest guidance away from anything that might embarrass them or someone in attendance. I’m generally careful with sarcasm because not everyone gets it, overly religious content that might make people uncomfortable, or readings that I just don’t like. If your couple selects a reading that you can’t read and sound as if you genuinely mean it, suggest they have a friend or family member come up to read it.

BUT, having too many guest readers is a fairly common issue. I find that it’s best to call for a round of applause after a guest reader finishes. It kills the dead air and allows them to feel comfortable as they return to their seat after reading. Calling for a round of applause more than twice is redundant, so I ask couples to have no more than two guest readers.

Couples sometimes provide me with ceremony material they found online. I usually cringe inside because the material is usually traditional and often sounds like Shakespeare, but I do my best to meld the material they found with my own and to honor their request. Don’t be afraid to re-word what they gave you. It’s possible to say the same thing, but worded in a way that will allow you to sound more genuine as it’s coming out of your mouth.

We just disagree

I find it helpful to remember that I am the couple’s trusted servant, who was asked to officiate because they’re confident I’ll do a good job. My ego must be kept in check. It’s their wedding and their day so I do my best to be flexible and to allow it to go down the way they envision.

Be sure to check out my next article, where I’ll give away my wedding rehearsal guide.  Click here. Until then, stay well!

The post Wedding planning drama first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Jewish weddings can be really fun, from carrying the bride on a chair and dancing the Horah, or toasting wine during the ceremony, to stomping the glass and yelling, “Mazel tov!”

Here’s what I normally say when a couple wants to honor Jewish wedding traditions and break the glass, “Bride and Groom have chosen to honor the Jewish tradition and stomp the glass. Normally breaking the glass marks the beginning of the wedding celebration, but it also symbolizes the transformation that’s happening for them right here and now, and also as a reminder of the fragility of life. The glass is broken to protect their marriage with the implied prayer, ‘As this glass shatters, so may your marriage never break.’ After Groom stomps the glass we invite everyone to cheer and shout the Hebrew words, ‘mazel tov’ meaning, ‘good luck and congratulations.’ Is everybody ready?”

One of my all-time favorite glass stomps happened recently. It was a great crowd, that was ready to party.

Check out the audio sample from that ceremony below.

Super old traditions can still be fun. Weddings that honor heritage don’t have to be somber events. Breaking the glass, lighting the unity candle or handfasting can be contemporary, without being religious. For other wedding imagery ideas, check out my article on the sand ceremony, here.

The post Jewish Wedding Traditions-Break the Glass first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

One of the most common challenges officiants face is the setting sun. Many couples choose not to see each other on their wedding day until the bride is coming down the aisle, so they’ve not taken any photos together. Photographers are often stressed, because they want to do a great job for the couple too, and shoot as many photos as possible before the sun sets.

Unfortunately, their agenda doesn’t always jive with mine and my ego tells me that if it wasn’t for the ceremony, the couple wouldn’t need a photographer.  However, at the end of the day it’s their wedding, so I don’t take it personally if photos take priority over the ceremony.  Photos keep memories vibrant and alive.

Contemporary wedding ceremonies are much shorter than religious weddings. Most are around 15 minutes however, most personalized ceremonies will be at least 20 minutes. I find people begin to shift in their seats at 25 minutes, no matter how great I think the ceremony is.

So, what are the best ways to shorten a ceremony?

1)  Suggest signing the license before their ceremony, even if they don’t see each other.  You can take the license to the bridal suite to have her and a witness sign and then take it to the groom’s room, where he and a witness can sign.  Signing the license immediately following the ceremony doesn’t usually take longer than ten minutes, but this suggestion won’t be one your couple is expecting and knowing it’s an option will reduce their stress level.

2)  Cut readings.  Feel free to suggest cutting the readings you like least.  If you like the reading, you’ll sound genuine when you read it during their ceremony, so while your suggestion might be self-centered, it’s for their benefit.

Perhaps the most unique way to shorten a ceremony is…..

3)  Sign their license during the ceremony.  This custom is common in other countries, but not in the U.S.  Make sure there’s a table in the ceremony space for their license, presumably the same one used for imagery, like the unity candle or blending sand.  Fill out the entire license before their ceremony begins, leaving only the four signatures blank (bride, groom, two witnesses).  You want the process of signing in front of their guests to move quickly, so there’s no uncomfortable energy.  Ask their DJ to play soft music during the license signing to fill any dead air, which seems to help everyone feel more comfortable.

Make sure you go over the details with the couple and their witnesses before their ceremony, so they’re not figuring it out in front of everyone.  I usually say something like this

“While marriage is a contract of trust between partners, it’s also a legal contract.  Normally the bride and groom are whisked away to sign their marriage license in private, with just a few close people to witness, but with you all being so important to Bride and Groom, they wanted to sign their marriage license right now, with you all acting as their witnesses.  However, only two lucky people receive the special honor of signing the license along with Bride and Groom.  Maid-of-honor and best man, will you please sign as witnesses?”

After everyone has signed, they return to the spots they were standing in and I say, “You are now, as your hearts have always known you to be, husband and wife.  Groom, kiss your beautiful bride!” and the party begins!

How to officiate a wedding: The ceremony is too long!

I hope these ideas were helpful.  I go over lots of this stuff in my video training.  You can check it out here.

The post How long should a wedding ceremony be? first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Wedding stress?

One of the most frustrating things I face is a couple who doesn’t meet the deadlines I give them. They’re getting married because they’re grownups and grownups can be asked to meet deadlines.

Your sanity and stress level matters too! You want to bring your A-game and it’s a team effort, you and your couple. Let them know how important their participation is, and they’ll likely respect the deadlines you give them.

If you’ve purchased my ceremony material please refer to the complete instructions, but here are a few to get you thinking:

1) Ask your couple to return their ceremony outline to you within two weeks.  Tell them that they’re welcome to make changes at any time.  This will allow them to check an item off their to-do list and I find that without a firm deadline, it doesn’t always get done.  You’re working as a team with your couple and it’s okay to hold them responsible for certain things.  They’ve asked you to officiate because they trust you’ll do a great job and the follow-up will show them that you care.

2) If they’re searching for ceremony material that you didn’t provide them with, ask them to get you that material no later than 30 days before their wedding.  You might not need that much time, but allowing them to procrastinate might result in last-minute stress for you.

3) Be sure to email their ceremony out for one final look before their wedding.  Sometimes people have a change of heart and switch a reading or change imagery.  I usually send it out 30 days before their ceremony.  99% of the time, couples give the thumbs up and no changes are made.

4) If they’ve opted to include imagery, like the letter box, wine box or blessing tree, make a note on your calendar and call or email 30 days before their ceremony to make sure they’ve purchased whatever supplies they might need.  If you sign up as an affiliate with Amazon.com you can get paid for suggesting items, like this unity candle.  There are lots of other affiliate programs, from invitations to honeymoon travel.

5) Email your couple two weeks prior to their ceremony to confirm their wedding date/start time/venue and colors.  Things change and I’ve been left out of the loop more than once.

6) If they write their own vows, have your couple email them to you ahead of time, two weeks is good.  This will allow you to have them in your ceremony book as backup and will also allow you to act as a guide, in case they’re substantially off-balanced.  Quite often the bride’s vows are longer than the groom’s and he usually has more jokes.

7) Call a few days before their wedding to say hello and to remind them to bring their supplies for imagery, marriage license and their rings!

8) If you accept the responsibility of mailing their signed license into the appropriate county recorder’s office, be sure to make a copy or take a photo first.  I’ve had several go missing in the mail and nobody wants to deal with that.

Don’t be afraid to give your couple deadlines.  Just phrase it in a way that makes them feel like part of your team.  Couples leave lots of online reviews and many have said that my follow-up was valuable.  Giving them ‘due-dates’ actually made their lives easier.  My goal is for every couple to have as little stress as possible the week of their wedding.  I make sure they know that.  I tell them directly when we meet.  I say, “I don’t want any of the stress the week of your wedding to have anything to do with me or this process.  Getting things done by certain dates will undoubtedly help you.”

Want to find out a few rookie mistakes to avoid?  Click here!

The post How to reduce wedding stress? first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

One of my couples came to me with lyrics from this song, wanting to use them as one of their readings, which isn’t uncommon. I’ve read lyrics from a Jack Johnson song and even from a metal band called, Avenged Sevenfold. Ask your couple if there’s a song special to them and if they might want some of the lyrics read as one of their ceremony readings. I usually try to match my tempo while reading with the tempo of the song, but do not sing. I know my abilities and singing isn’t one of them.

“This is my love song to you.  Let every woman know I’m yours.  So you can fall asleep each night, babe and know I’m dreaming of you more.  You’re always hoping that we make it.  You always want to keep my gaze. Well, you’re the only one I see and that’s the one thing that won’t change.  I’ll never stop trying, I’ll never stop watching as you leave, I’ll never stop losing my breath every time I see you looking back at me. 

I’ll never stop holding your hand, I’ll never stop opening your door, I’ll never stop choosing you babe, I’ll never get used to you.  And with this love song to you, it’s not a momentary phase.  You are my life, I don’t deserve you, but you love me just the same.  And as the mirror says we’re older, I will not look the other way.  You are my life, my love, my only and that’s the one thing that won’t change.”

Song lyrics make great nonreligious wedding readings, especially because the song is usually important to the couple or nostalgic in some way. Occasionally guests are invited up to read. It’s a neat way for the couple to honor that relationship and a great way to include someone who may have been excluded from being in their bridal party. If the couple chooses to have guests read, be sure to ask that guest reader if they’ve practiced reading out loud. If they haven’t, politely suggest it. Reading aloud is far different than silently reading to one’s self.

Occasionally a guest reader will tell me that he/she hasn’t practiced out loud and for me to mind my own business. Nine times out of ten, those readers trip on their words a bunch of times and bomb. When I get an overly confident guest reader, I politely remind them that we all want to do an amazing job for the couple and that it might make sense to run through it once or twice before the ceremony starts.

I hope this helps point you in the right direction. Check out my blog post where I describe ways to reduce your and your couple’s stress level, here.  Until then, be well!

The post Nonreligious wedding reading first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

The three most common unwanted distractions are babies, airplanes and road noise. If you want to know how to officiate a wedding and how to manage unexpected noises and distractions, keep reading. I’ll tell you how I manage all three.

First and foremost, rehearse!  My premium wedding ceremonies at 1st Officiant are personalized and unique to each couple, so practice plays a huge role.  I read every ceremony aloud 10-15 times beforehand and use different color pens to make marks on the pages, which helps me to keep my spot.  The “cheat sheets” in my video training package help a lot with this. If you’re serious about looking like a pro, check out the ultimate bundle.

Below is a video of me officiating an elopement at the base of Camelback Mountain, here in Phoenix.  The couple wanted their ceremony to be real, so there were interruptions and distractions because they chose to get married at a public place.  I was prepared though, so watch the video and hear how the kids yelling didn’t phase me.

Manage unexpected noise from babies and kids

Before any ceremony, I usually ask guests with kids to please have a plan, should their child become a distraction during the ceremony.

This isn’t always easy because it offends people sometimes so to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings I usually say something like, “I love kids.  I have two little ones and understand that sometimes they’re noisy at exactly the wrong time.  With that being said, if by chance your child loses it during their ceremony, please secret service him out instead of trying to quiet him down and accidentally creating an even bigger distraction.  The bride and groom only get one shot at this and we all want it to be perfect for them!”  99% of the time the parent will gladly agree.

Manage unexpected noise from airplanes or automobiles

This happens a lot.  The airport in Phoenix is in the center of the city so airplanes are constantly overhead.  I don’t bring it up before their ceremony because I don’t want to potentially stress the couple out.  I wait until it actually happens.  

If an airplane flies overhead during their ceremony, I’ll usually lower my microphone at the exact time the plane is almost overhead and ask, “Do you guys want me to wait for the plane to pass or power through the noise?” and let the bride and groom decide.  Most couples ask me to pause and wait for the plane to pass, but all appreciate I give them a choice.

Motorcycles and loud cars are often an issue too.  Some venues in town are located on main roads in nice areas, where motorcycles are popular and they are LOUD!  Fortunately, they pass by fairly quickly, so I don’t ask the couple what they prefer.  I simply pause and wait, as if it’s no big deal.

Your body language and energy is important

If the crying baby, plane or motorcycle is no big deal to you, it’ll be no big deal to your couple and the goal is to have them feeling great.

Manage unexpected noise from cell phones

The easiest way is to ask people to silence their phones.  Before the ceremony when everyone is lined up and about to walk in, I instruct the bridal party to please verify their ringers are turned off.  I’ve only had a groomsman’s cell phone go off once because I take precautions ahead of time.

The only way to prevent guest’s phones from ringing is to make an announcement at the very beginning of their ceremony, and that’s something that I leave up to the couple.  I never ask guests to keep their phones away unless the couple asks me to.  

I might then say something like, “Bride and Groom are having what’s known as an unplugged ceremony, meaning that they’d like you to please keep your phones away and sit back and fully relax.  Be present and enjoy their ceremony.  They’ve hired a really great photographer, who’s going to make photos available to everyone, so you won’t miss anything.”

I hope these tips were helpful.  If you’d like to read a few extra tips to make life easier while at your ceremony, click here.

The post Manage unexpected noise and distractions first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.

Many couples choose ceremony elements that include their guests, like the wine box, letter box, unity candle, guest readings, etc. and often times those guests aren’t prepared.  Most of the time it’s because the couple forgot to tell them, so I’m always sure to introduce myself to anyone who’s participating before the ceremony begins. Roughly 1/3 of the time, moms aren’t told that they’re coming up to light candles or family hasn’t been asked to write letters for the couple’s letter box.

Two weeks in a row I’ve had couples use the letter box or wine box as their imagery, where I invite family members up to deposit letters they’ve written to the couple and exchange hugs. Family members usually get immediately stressed and freak out because they weren’t told and never wrote a letter to the couple.  

My job is to officiate, so I tell them that it’s no big deal and that it happens all the time.  The last thing the bride and groom needs are stressed out family members.  If they don’t have paper handy, I’ll find them a few pieces and tell them to bring up blank paper to deposit during the ceremony and to write letters of blessings, encouragement, and support later on, after the wedding.  This usually calms nerves immediately and gives them permission to relax.

Guest readers are often not prepared, too.  The male ego is an interesting thing.  I’ve asked so many guys if they practiced their reading out loud only to be brushed off and told, “I got it, man.”  They inevitably trip on their words and lose their place and bomb.  So, I’ve learned to tell them that we want the couple’s ceremony to kick ass and that takes a team effort.  

It’s a bit passive aggressive, but I then say something like, “Since everyone here wants their ceremony to be their best memory yet, I’m sure taking a few minutes alone to practice your guest reading out loud makes sense.  Right?”  I then show the guest reader how I underline words in my book where I’ll inflect my voice in some way and that it helps me to keep my place, so I can look up from the page.  That usually works and the reader then finds a quiet place to practice.

Before every ceremony, I’m sure to ask the bride who will escort her down the aisle and if she’d like me to ask, “Who has the honor of escorting Bride down the aisle and presenting her to the groom?”  The old-school way to say that is, “Who gives this woman away?” but times have changed and the bride’s not a possession or gift.  If she’d like me to ask, I’m sure to then speak to her dad, or whoever is escorting her down the aisle so that person knows I’m going to stick a microphone in their face, expecting an answer.  

I don’t want to surprise him and make him look foolish in front of all the guests, but when dad messes up, it’s usually funny and a great ice-breaker.  The bride’s dad is usually grateful for my introduction and attempt to prepare him prior to the ceremony.  Dad usually asks, “What do most people say?” and I tell him to please feel free to say whatever he likes, but most dads say something like, “I’m her dad and it’s my honor.”

As officiants, it’s our job to be prepared and to help others do the same.  Calming nerves and preparing others is part of the deal, and I love it and hope you do too!

Want other wedding vendors to be really nice to you?  You can read that article here.

The post What to do when wedding participants aren’t prepared first appeared on Matt's Wedding Ceremonies.